When I got the text this morning, I swore out loud. Today is the 8th school day of the
year cancelled because of snow or cold.
Eight days of lost break time that is now cutting into summer
vacation. Snow days may still be days
off, but I'd rather have the days that were planned to be vacation –
preparing for Easter, visiting family, enjoying the warmth of the sun. I'd rather have the new life of spring. But it has been a bitter winter...one that
has spread its bitterness into me.
Last week, in my quiet time with Jesus, I composed this
prayer in my journal...
“Lord, I beg you to help draw me
from falling into depression. I HATE
feeling down, but I feel this weight upon me, pushing against me...keeping me
from joy. I want to be joyful from the
inside out. Lord, I need you to rescue
me like you did with David and reach down from high to grasp me; draw me out
from the deep waters. Rescue me from
this enemy of depression – for it is too powerful for me.”
I had just read 2 Samuel 22:17-18
and longed for God to come to my support.
I wasn't just feeling down...I was feeling defeated. It wasn't just the weather, although I have
suffered from seasonal depression for many years now. The weight that was upon me came from various
areas in my life. The past few months
have been heart-wrenching. My relationships
and commitments were tested. And in the
midst of the strife, my top 2 priorities in life were what I really lost focus
on: my husband and my God.
But my heavenly Father does not
disappoint...He LOVES to come to the rescue.
The way He rescues is not always what we had in mind, but it is ALWAYS
what we need.
Jesus began the spring thaw in my
heart.
I was blessed with a new book by
Lisa Brenninkmeyer called Walking With Purpose (Thank you Chrissy for
finding it and for persevering to bring it to our parish). I began reading it and have been re-inspired
to set my priorities back in their proper place.
Priority #1 = Jesus
I know that when I am feeling off, going back to my quiet
time chair where I pray is the cure. I
hadn’t been spending the time I should with the Lord, but I was reminded…. In Walking With Purpose, Lisa
Brenninkmeyer says, “Finding time to pray is not an option. It must be the most protected part of your
daily schedule.” I need to begin my day
with some dedicated Jesus time.
Period. And I want to, I even
intend to. I'll admit, I struggle with
this EVERY day, particularly because sleep is my Achilles heel. But I’m working on it. I’m trying to make some changes to make this
the dedication it should be. I smile at
myself as I think that this annoying snow day, the one I didn't want and didn't
plan for, is really a blessing...I've gotten to spend all morning dedicated to
my savior.
Priority #2 = Doug
My husband is the most important
man on Earth to me. Yet, I have fallen
short of making him my second priority lately.
When we made the decision to take on custody of our granddaughter, I knew
I'd need a constant reminder to put him first.
I hung this scripture from 1 Corinthians 1:10 (translation taken from
The Voice) above our bed:
“My brothers and sisters, I urge you
by the name of our Lord Jesus, the Anointed, to come together in agreement. Do not allow anything or anyone to create
division among you. Instead, be
restored, completely fastened together with one mind and shared judgment.”
In the past 2 days, we've begun to
refasten ourselves together. I wouldn't
have considered us to have had a broken marriage by any means…but it's easy to stop being vigilant
when things feel safe, and that lack of vigilance often leads to
brokenness. I had been waiting for Doug
to be the one who is vigilant, making plans to inspire the spark in our relationship,
but then realized that it wasn't just up to him...and I took the first
step. A conversation centered on
him…some time together without anyone else around…it's amazing how much little
things matter.
I am starting to see signs of spring forming in me...God's
work of new life.
As I meditate on new life in my priorities, I am reminded
that this season of cold, white, and slippery won't last forever. Sitting in my prayer corner, in the quiet of
the morning, amazingly...I hear birds.
Birds...a tell-tale sign of spring.
Now, I know that there are birds that stick around western Pennsylvania
for winter, but I don't usually hear them chirping and singing among the thick
white blanket of snow that has been covering this area for months....
New life is coming.
Thank you Jesus for making that happen, inside and outside.
